I finally become a mother of two! Before I gave birth to my second child, I had many worries in my head. What if I die? Who will take care of my daughters? And when you have more than one child, what are you supposed to feel? Could you split your love evenly? When I was a child, I always thought my mom love my little sister more.. and I still feel that way until now to be honest. Though I don’t really mind it now, I remember it was hurting me back when I was much younger. I don’t want my children to feel like that. I want them to know that I love them equally. Both of them are special.
Another problem that I face is : ‘am I strong enough?’
I don’t have anyone to assist me. Only my busy husband at home. And he’s still taking his master degree. He’s also very busy now he’s appointed as the team leader on his department (that’s not even in our contingency plan!). And I have a school-age daughter who needs me to assist her doing school works. And that sleepless nights when baby refuses to sleep on the right time. I feel lonely sometimes. Lonely and tired.
It has been two months since I gave birth. It is still hard for me. I still feel the same, lonely and tired. I feel weak. Because whatever I did, my house still quite messed up, my daughter still complain to me that no one accompany her.. Nothing really goes well nowadays.
I am still adapting….. and I don’t know when will I get used to all of these.